Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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