I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
