just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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