I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
