He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
