neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
