I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, beer. Big fan.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
