I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
