dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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