I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
two words: eviction party
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
