we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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