all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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