I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize