Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My life is pants optional.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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