If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
