I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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