I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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