she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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