I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think your dad took our porno
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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