i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
