and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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