I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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