My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
