let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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