Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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