i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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