sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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