haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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