Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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