she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
