Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
