I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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