It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
