the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize