He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
