i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
