It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
