just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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