We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
