You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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