Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
