Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Green mimosas i think yes
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
