We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
