Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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