He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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