bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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