You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
