This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
