ugly people sure do ruin things
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize