Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
