i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
