First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
