blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
