saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
