i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
