i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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