This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
