guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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