I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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