The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
