its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
