ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
