You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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