last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
