News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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