She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
