just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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