I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You dont lie about slip and slides
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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