i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize